I can’t recall when I first heard it. And from years of observation and experience I have discovered that most all of us grew up hearing it – the oft repeated advice, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
The trouble is this. If this rule were applied in our dealings with some people, we would never have anything to say.
Perhaps you have heard of the exceedingly wicked man who died and left the preacher wondering what good thing he could possibly find to say about him at the funeral. After much thought and no little anxiety, the preacher finally hit upon an idea. He eulogized, “Williams was not nearly so mean sometimes as he was usually.” Yes, sometimes there isn’t much good to be said.
As is the case with most aphorisms, this one is generally true, but should not be taken to the extreme. John the Baptist, though neither mean-spirited nor hateful, could not remain silent at Herod’s adulterous relationship with his sister-in-law, Herodias. Truth demanded conviction and correction, nice or no nice. John wasted no words commending Herod’s finer points of bravery or political leadership. He didn’t take the diplomatic approach and broach the issue by complimenting Herod’s fine taste in female companions. He said simply and plainly, “It is not lawful for you to have her.” (Matthew 14:4.)
Though John had nothing nice to say, he said something anyway. The situation demanded it.
Of course, this gives us no license to run rough-shod over the feelings of others, with no regard for kindness or civility. The truth must be spoken, but always in love. (Ephesians 4:15.) Truth must never be confused with meanness.
Perhaps a better rule would be, “If you can’t say something nice – but something must be said – say it as nicely as possible.”